Lost Focus

Since my last post, a lot has changed. The school year ended last week, so I am no longer subbing during the day. I love being able to sleep in, and being free from the stress of subbing. I don’t love not getting paid. So… the job hunt continues.

With all this time on my hands, I should be getting a lot done, right? I should be writing volumes, exercising every day, and job hunting like a pro, right? So it seems.

The reality is that for the past week, I have been doing a whole lot of nothing. I’ve stared at the blank computer screen wondering what to write. I’ve spent hours on YouTube. I’ve  stayed up reading Clash of Kings late into the night. I’ve even watched Lord of the Rings (and you know how long that is).

To be fair, I have done some productive things, too. I have done a few jewelry shows, and I did all the work associated with those. I have also been working out pretty regularly. And I have done some job hunting (more on this in a moment). I’ve also been doing a lot of church events. These are all good things.

I have also decided to take a different approach to job hunting. Instead of sending out resumes everywhere, I am doing a bit of soul searching to get some clarity. What do I really want to do? How can I get there? What should I be doing? These are the pressing questions, and they need answers. Now.

With all that I want to get done, I seem to be accomplishing very little. With all the changes I’d like to see in my lifestyle (exercise, diet, minimalism), many things go unchanged. My efforts seem diluted and disjointed. The problem: I am not focused.

This lack of clarity and focus seems to bleed into every area of my life, and it is driving me crazy. I don’t want to take it anymore, and truth be told, I really can’t afford to. Things have got to change, and they need to change radically. I want a different life. I know of only one thing to do: press “reset.”

Every January, my church fasts for the entire month. It’s a time to pull back from whatever you chose to fast (food, sweets, TV, social media) and draw closer to God. It’s a way to break out of your routine, take a step back, and evaluate. It’s like pressing the “reset” button of your life.

I didn’t do the fast in January. I didn’t want to. I was too angry. I saw no point. But I think it’s time that I initiate a fast. I realize that in order to see a change, I have to make a change. I choose to press “reset.”

I ask for your prayers.