Sleep Deprivation and Broken Fingernails

by CaReese

The two aren’t necessarily related.

I write this at 11:21 am with extremely heavy eyelids and newly shortened fingernails due to breakage. Yet another thing to frustrate me in life.

My life seems to be an exercise in frustration. I am not interested in outlining all the frustrating aspects of my life. You’ll just have to trust me on this one.

So how does one deal with frustration? I wish I knew. The best I can do is to cycle through my frustrations; something akin to juggling. I have frustration at home, so I get out of the house from time to time. While I’m out of the house, I deal with the frustration associated with the job search, writing my 1,800 words, or trying to navigate the maelstrom of emotions that I am living with.  I also escape as often as I can, in any way that I can. Probably not the best way to deal with frustration, but it’s all I’ve got.

Sometimes it helps to accomplish something. Anything. At least some effort will be rewarded. That’s why I’m doing NaNoWriMo. I do it because I’ve always wanted to write a novel. I do it because it’s an escape. I do it for the daily dose of instant gratification that I get when I see my word count increase.

I just had a friend suggest that I take a nap and get a manicure. Neither will take care of the generalized frustration, but they could help with some of the day’s specific frustrations. The question is this: do I attempt to ease these smaller frustrations, knowing that the larger frustration continues to run rampant? Given the state of things right now, easing the small frustrations might be the best I can hope for.

I realize that the likelihood of a manicure changing my life is very low.  But getting a manicure today, or even putting on a coat of polish my self, might boost my mood a little. It might be just a tiny bit of progress, but I suppose it’s better than nothing.

So maybe I’ll take a little time and fix up my fingernails, and maybe I’ll take a nap, too. Not because either will be life changing, but because it’ll remove just a teeny bit of the frustration that is my life.

I can’t fix all that’s wrong, but I can fix these two things. It’s not much, but it’s something.